Build the Relationship Before the Difficult Conversation

One of the simplest things I learnt as an educator was this:

Don’t wait until there’s a problem to build a relationship with a family.

That’s something worth reinforcing across your whole team.

Because eventually, one of your educators is going to need to have a harder conversation with a parent.

A child has bitten someone.

There’s a concern about a child’s development.

Something happened during the day that needs to be explained.

A family disagrees with how something was handled.

That conversation is very different when there’s already a relationship behind it.

And as a centre leader, you can help make sure those relationships are being built long before they’re needed.

Family communication can easily become something educators do when there’s information to pass on.

But the little conversations matter.

A hello in the morning.

A quick story at pick up.

Remembering that Grandma was visiting on the weekend and asking how it went.

None of these feels particularly important at the time.

Together, they build trust.

A useful question to ask your team is:

What does a parent usually hear from us at pick up?

If the answer is mostly:

“Good day.”

“Ate well.”

“See you tomorrow.”

there’s an opportunity to do better.

“How was his day?”

“He had a good day.”

We’ve probably all said it.

The problem is that it doesn’t tell a parent very much.

Compare it with:

“He spent nearly twenty minutes building this enormous tower with Fred today. He called it his ‘massive castle’ and was very proud of it.”

It takes about the same amount of time.

But now that parent has been given a tiny glimpse into the part of their child’s life they don’t get to see.

You don’t need a big story.

Sometimes it’s one sentence.

“Ella helped another child find their hat today.”

“Jackson finally got across those monkey bars he’s been working on.”

“Amelia made me laugh this morning when she told me…”

Small things tell a family something important:

We noticed your child today.

Relationships go both ways.

If a parent says their child is seeing their cousins that night, ask about it tomorrow.

If they mention their child was awake half the night, check in later.

If they tell you about something their child is excited about, remember it.

It sounds simple because it is.

But being remembered makes people feel known.

This is where centre leaders can make a real difference.

One educator shouldn’t be the only person who can have a meaningful conversation with a particular family.

Families should feel known by the team.

That means sharing the little things that matter.

Who had a rough drop off?

Whose family has something significant happening?

Who achieved something they’ve been working towards?

What might be useful for the educator doing pick up to know?

You’re not trying to turn every interaction into a formal handover.

You’re helping create continuity.

Eventually something will happen.

And one of your educators may need to tell a parent something they would rather not have to tell them.

Trust doesn’t make that conversation easy.

It doesn’t mean the parent won’t be upset.

And it certainly doesn’t mean they’ll agree with everything your educator says.

But it changes the starting point.

The parent already knows this educator notices their child.

They’ve heard the good things too.

There is a relationship behind the conversation.

This is also something teams can practise before they’re standing in front of an upset parent.

When an incident happens, families generally need useful information.

What happened?

What did we do?

What are we watching for now?

And sometimes an educator simply won’t have the answer to a parent’s question.

That’s okay.

One of the most useful phrases you can give your team is:

“That’s a fair question. I want to give you a proper answer rather than a rushed one. Let me check and come back to you tomorrow.”

Confidence isn’t having an instant answer to everything.

Sometimes it’s knowing when not to make one up.

Good communication with families isn’t really about being brilliant at difficult conversations.

It’s about all the ordinary conversations that came before them.

Help your team notice children.

Share the little things.

Remember what families tell you.

Make sure families hear from you when things are going well, not just when something has gone wrong.

Then, when a difficult conversation does need to happen, your educator isn’t starting from zero.

At your next team meeting, ask everyone to think of one family they don’t normally speak to very much.

Then give them one simple challenge:

Over the next week, have one conversation with that family that isn’t about logistics, an incident or something the parent needs to know.

Tell them something specific you noticed about their child.

Ask about something the family mentioned previously.

Share a small moment from their child’s day.

At your next meeting, ask the team what happened.

It’s a small exercise.

But building strong relationships with families is mostly made up of small interactions repeated over time.

Practical ideas for building confident, capable early childhood teams.

Louis Bell | Founder of Praxibel

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