Translating Behaviour as Communication

There are some behaviours that can completely change the feel of a room.

A child hits another child.

Someone bites.

A child screams when it’s time to pack up.

Another seems to spend half the day saying no.

And when you’re responsible for a whole group of children, it’s understandable that your first thought can be:

How do I stop this?

I think there’s a better question to start with.

What is this behaviour trying to tell me?

Because behaviour rarely comes out of nowhere.

We can see the hitting.

We can hear the screaming.

We can count how many times a child has bitten.

But those are the things happening on the surface.

They don’t necessarily tell us what is driving them.

A child who pushes another child away might be angry.

Or overwhelmed.

Or protecting something they were playing with.

Or trying to join in and not yet having the words or skills to do it.

Same behaviour.

Very different possible reasons.

One of the most useful shifts I made as an educator was moving from judgement to curiosity.

Instead of:

Why does he keep doing this?

Try:

What might be happening for him when he does this?

It sounds like a small change.

But it changes what you look for next.

If a behaviour keeps happening, look backwards.

What happened immediately before it?

Was the room particularly noisy?

Did another child take something?

Had an educator just asked the child to transition?

Were they tired?

Hungry?

Waiting?

Trying to get into someone else’s play?

You’re looking for patterns, not excuses.

This is just as important.

What does the child get, avoid or change through the behaviour?

Perhaps hitting means another child moves away.

Screaming delays a transition.

Throwing something brings an educator over.

Running away turns pack up time into a chase.

Again, this isn’t about blaming the child.

It’s information.

“He’s aggressive.”

“She’s difficult.”

“He’s an attention seeker.”

Once we give a child a label, it becomes very easy to start interpreting everything they do through it.

Try describing what actually happened instead.

“When another child reached for the truck, Sam pushed their hand away and shouted ‘mine’.”

That gives us something useful to work with.

“Sam was aggressive” doesn’t.

Sometimes we expect children to demonstrate skills they are still learning.

Waiting.

Negotiating.

Entering play.

Managing disappointment.

Asking for space.

Using words when they’re frustrated.

Moving from one activity to another.

If a child can’t yet do one of those things reliably, simply telling them to stop the behaviour doesn’t teach the missing skill.

It’s easy to focus entirely on the child.

But sometimes we need to look around them.

Is the transition too long?

Is the space overcrowded?

Are children waiting with nothing to do?

Are expectations clear?

Is there enough of a particularly popular resource?

Sometimes the most effective behaviour strategy isn’t something we do to the child.

It’s something we change around them.

One educator sees one incident.

Another sees another.

Someone working the afternoon shift notices something else.

Put those observations together and a pattern can suddenly become obvious.

That’s why specific observations are so valuable.

Not:

“She had a difficult day.”

But:

“She became upset three times today, and each time it happened when we moved from outside to inside.”

Now the team has something to investigate.

Seeing behaviour as communication doesn’t mean children can hurt other people or that boundaries disappear.

Sometimes you need to intervene immediately.

You can stop the behaviour and remain curious about what caused it.

Those two things aren’t opposites.

If all we do is stop the behaviour in front of us, we may miss the opportunity underneath it.

The child who hits when someone enters their play may need help learning what to say instead.

The child who melts down during transitions may need more warning or predictability.

The child constantly seeking an educator may be telling us something about connection.

The behaviour is where we notice the problem.

It doesn’t always tell us what the problem is.

When behaviour is challenging, it naturally draws our attention to what the child is doing.

Try looking one layer deeper.

What happened before it?

What happened afterwards?

What might this child need help learning?

You may not get the answer immediately.

But you’re much more likely to find it when you’re looking for the message rather than just trying to stop the behaviour.

Choose one behaviour you find challenging.

For one shift, don’t try to solve it.

Just observe it.

Write down:

What happened immediately before?
What did the child do?
What happened immediately afterwards?

At the end of the day, look for a pattern.

You might notice something you haven’t seen before.

The Confident Educator

One practical idea each week to make the hard parts of educating a little easier.

Louis Bell | Founder of Praxibel

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